Borshakalin Marjar Bilap

Ei golpo'tar kono shesh ba shuru nei, thakte parena. Eta kebol obirol chhute jawar modhhe bichhino bhabe khnara hoye thaka ekta dnaari. Ba ekta futki. Fullstop noy, karon fullstop'er kono jayga nei 20 bochhorer jibone. Ei golpo'ta adope ekta Golpona jaate ami aro kuri bochhor baade hnochot khete chai, nijer buro angul'er nokh'er daan dik'ta jaate konakuni bhabe uure jay, shei procheshta te pete rakha.

Ekta odbhut shomoye dnariye ami ei futki'tar jonmo dewar cheshta chalachhi. Kichhudin agge Nabarun Bhatchhaj naam'er ekta 66 bochhorer buro more gechhe. She to koto lok'ei more jachhe protidin, akash theke bomaru  bimane pathano bish-lojens kheye ba pocha shuworer khublono ondokosh chibiye, kintu ei ekta lok'er more jawata amay jalachhe khub beshi. Nabarun shei lok'ta jar modhhe diye ami purbojonme (asha rakhi sheta 70er doshok chhilo) phire jai. Nostalgia bina eta ar kichhui na sheta bondhu Shounak na bolleo ami bujhi, tobuo ajker ei muhurto'tay itihashe, 2014 shaal'e, jekhane ami je rashtrer bashinda tar matha'gulo shob uui pokar dhibi'te porinoto hochhe, ar amra aro beshi kore nijeder chokh, kaan, buk khuble hashi mukhe shofolota khunji tramline'er baire, jekhane amar shohopathi bishthha tyag korte shopping mall'e douroy 10 takar rikshabhara niye ar ami prochondo chap niye tolpet ankre kora nari "Abar Ashibo Phire" namok mutraloy'e, jokhon amar boyosh'ta 20 periye 21'er diike jawar cheshta chalay, shei 2014 shaal'e amay bnachte barbar phire jete hoy Nabarun'er kachhe.

Foloto nishchoi ei mrittu'o dukhho dey. JEne feli palabar ar poth nai. Etodin dhore matha'r upor baap achhe, brohmma achhe, achhe Nabarun bhebe nijer bhalolagar arale dnariye amar jaa bakkobaan chalanor chaliyechhe, kintu ar noy. Amar bondhu'ra onekei hoyto amay subidhebadi ebong bhondo bhabe. Bhul bhabe na. Karon bhondo bhanr'er tolay je hangor maachh ghure beray, tar beriye ashata ami chai na. Nijer pet'er modhhe timebomb bajte thake shunte pari. Hoyto ei onubhuti'ta shobari hoy, tobuo amar timebomb'er knata'ta ektu beshi boro, din koyek ontor'i khoncha mere janan dey je"'seasonal depression' aa gaya!"

Amra shei bachcha'gulo, jader onek kichhu korar achhe, more jawa chharao. Tobuo, amra hoyto kebol morei tushto thakbo, tar beshi duur egonor rasta nei jene. Ami bohubar amar bondhu'der bolechhi je ekta Tritiyo bishwojudhho chhara amader attik mokhholabh oshombhob. Amra shei generation jara ektao judhho dekheni, emon ekta judhho ja proti bari'r ekta kore bachcha'ke dabre dhore frontline'e pathiye debe ebong poroborti'te shei bachcha'rai bikolango, kushthagrosto ba bhoutik akare phire phire ashbe tader maa-baba'r priyo vote candidate'ke bhoy dekhate.

Amra judhho noy, shanti chai. Ar shekhanei joto kelor kitti. Judhho, mohagrash'er 36 round chibono'te dola pakiye haath paa matha mundu ishwor shoytan shob jokhon ek hoye jabe, kebol tokhoni amra bujhbo, ejibon loiyya amra ki koribo.

Aj Palestine'e je boma porchhe, shegulor koyekta ei shohorer buuk'eo pora uchit. Ei shohor shudhu megh'er dhekur ar olpo-acid brishti'te heje gechhe, ei shohore tai neme asha uchit megaton'er carpet bombing. Amar ei chhoto futki, etar size khub boro noy, kintu ami chai eta bomaru biman'er runway'te pore thaka ekta dhil hok. Ontoto ekta dhil. Dhil ke chhoto bhabbenna, Mukto Palestine'er shobcheye bishakto ostro ajo 14 bochhorer mutho'e thaka dhil'tai.

Long Time, No Sea

Hello. It has been a long time since we've met. How are you? Fine? No? Me neither. But then again, I chose to be so, so you might as well not question about it.

No, i have not been torn up and chewed about. No, i have not faced stormy weathernotes, for a long time now. My words have grown fewer, you see? I cannot write anymore, instead, I draw. I draw letters on my termpaper like some cursive hieroglyphics. I draw dewdrops on flowertops. I draw jetstreaks underwater. Well, I try too.

The fountainhead, is basically a phallic symbol, i have always believed, right from the days of olden lovers. I just never managed to say it aloud to them, with Rand being their goddess of a mean capitalist idealogue. But my phallus is drying up, the stream or all that went inside roaring, rushing into sinews of hatred, all that is dying. I see on newspapers Shundorbon is dying too. Wildlife and wildlings shall perish, they are meant to perhaps.

I feel old, weak. My days in the sun are but gone and lies ahead some terrible temporary existence which may or may not push me to die. But then again dying is easy and easy is not what i wanted. I did? Ki bolchhish? I refuse to accept this allegation.

Fuck you, no i do not want to be like Bukowski. I can't drink that much, neither can I fuck. Bollam na, I feel old and weak by some twenty odd summers. Summers weren't such a pain before, i remember, travelling to school traversing half the city, and then wishing another half to come down to me at night. Maa had jaundice when i was in class 7. Tobe theke ekla travel kori.

I used to imagine bloody fistfights and ketchup blood and me participating in all that back when i did not travel alone. Funnily, i never had courage enough to partake in one when my friends decided they wanted a teenage share of local pride. Easy is what i wanted, eh?

She has been pushing me to write for some time now. but i can only paint. and my brushes are drying me up. Gift me a new colourbox somewhen, won't you?

Bhikhhe

Bhangte bhangte ekta oboyobhin chhaya'e dhuke porlam. Amar ja kichhu chhilo, phire dekhe, nijer berajal baniye je shobdo, bhabna, akankha, adorsho gulo'ke ekta entropy baniye othat cheshta korchhilam kono ekta unchu akasher dik'e, hothat kore ki jaani ki durmoti'te ami sheshob dingiye agge bhage akash dhorte lafalam kichhu adhporikhhito megh'er upor. Elomelo hawa khanikhhon akashe tule dhorlo, tarpor brishti hoye pore jetei ami abar back to dhoroni. Amar thanda lagchhe, bhetore o baire theke, ami shurjohin prani hote parini, karon vitamin D na pele nimnochap'ei mrittu'r shombhabona, psychology teacher amay bhobishshotbani bolee diyechhilen. Tai ajker brishti jokhon amay dhuiye dichhe, kada'y makhiye onuporomanu'te firiye niye jachhe, amar dhore thakar nei kono kuto, koyek koti bochhor lagbe abar jure uthe ami hote, she shomoye tor chole jawa amake abaro beral'er kotha mone poralo :)

Ei Shiit'e Attotyag: Ekta oshompurno chhoto golpo

Proti bochhor ami ekbar kore amar jonmanor agger raat'e ekta lekha likhi, nijeke niye. Shara bochhore oitukui kyebol nijer pechhone khorcha, ontoto sheibhabei to mone korte bhalobashi. Kintu ebochhor lyadh kheye korini shei raatre. Tokhon bhebechhilam modh ar lyadh'er joutho onachaar, khanikta prosroymakha dhikkar janiyei katiye diyechhilam. Ekhon mone hochhe ota lyadh noy, ota bhoy. Nije paltate paltate track na korte parar bhoy, ekta shopner modhhe rasta hariye felar bhoy, chorbito shei purono line'gulo lekhar bhoy. Debu, amar khub bhalo bondhu, ekhono obdhi, Debu, bolechhilo ei shiit'ei attotyag ghotbe. Kar attotyag, kyano attotyag, kisher attotyag, tokhon bujhini, borong porom anonde rasta'r rikshawala'r sathe boshe chhilim tanar proletariyo anonder budbud'e bijbij kore uthechhe matha'r bhitor. Ekhon mone hoy, shiitkaal'e bodhoy shobai kholosh chharay.

Attotyag'er shuruta hoye jay ek raat'er Bukowski shongom'e. Ja kichhu maya momota sukhho porda'r arale lukono chhayay bneche theke ekta morjada shomponno bishwash jugiyechhilo, shei gotata hurmur kore bhenge pore chokh'er shamne jantob ekta naribhuri beriye asha kodorjo chehara niye. Lok'ta sharajibon bosti'te katiye gelo, jokhon ichhe tokhon meyemanush dhore chudlo, ar kobita likhe gelo bishwer shob bishshoy ke bhalobasha'e, kharap bhasha'e namiye ene. Pordin shokalei tamak'er khonje ek riksha dada'r sathe adventure Gorfa'r gohin jongole, ebong tarpor bypass'er dhare chupchap under construction site'e boshe chhilim tante tante mone hoyechhilo, hyan, Bukowski'r joggo bachcha howar dom rakhi, pari nijeke huhu hawa'e uriye niye jete. Attotyag'er shuru.

Tarpor onek kanagoli'r cliched dour periye shei pherot amar bari, tamar bari Jadavpur'er prokhor narri'te. Jonmodin elo gelo, ami jonmalam na. Majhemodhhe mone holo, jodi likhe feli ekta kichhu, tarpor ki ar amar kichhu bolar thakbe? Ei bhoye beformayeshi lekhata hariye gelo.

December'er shesh, koyekjon mile train'e chepe Krishnonogor namlam bhor shaare chhotay. Train'er modhhe kuashakombol niye lofalofi, "amra nuton joubon'eri duut". Dupur belay jante parlam je ami mon khule knaad'te ajo bhoy paina. Ashole manush'er sathe manush je koto rokom ongobhongi'te baatichiit chalate paare, kotorokom bhabe, sheta Arjun Khyapar naam'er ekjon manush'ke dekhe bujhlam, bujhe knaadlam, hashlam, nesha korlam. Hawa'r awaj aro jwore shunte shuru korlam.

Phire asha Kolkata'y, jadubidya'r bhabnachinta niye koshorot kora, Pucu ke ekjon notun bondhu hishebe khunje pawa, kete gelo aro koyekdin. Pucu ajob manush, nijer bhanga prem'er golpo ar bhanga banshi shuniye amar prem'ta aro khanikta mojbuut kore dey protidin. Hoyto o na thakle ami nijer prem'ta ke bansher kella'tei rekhe ditam. Ekjon manush jaja bhulbhal korechhe, shegulo sref aure gelo, ar ami notes'er khatay tar prem'er chhobi ankte ankte kobe nijer prem'ta keo jeno bhalobeshe fellam. Amar chhnokchhnok batik shorbojonbidito, o syphillis jatiyo STD ekta, khanikta bamon hoye shurje haath mara'r moton byapar. Tobu amar bhalomanush meye'ta shob shojhho kore amake bus'e pashe boshar jayga'tuku dilo, fuule ota ston'er bnota'r moton ekta puru achhadon'e dheke dilo amar shob paap, shob pipasha. PC na thakle hoyto ami, hoyto noy, ami definitely bheshe jetam, kintu anchor boro mojbuut buniyadi brand. Ami amar prem'ta ke anchor naam dilam.

Aabra'ca'Dabra elo, nijer joto raag dukhho hotasha ayna bhanga'r obhiggota, shob ekjaygay joro kore banate thaklam bondhu'der sathe ekta notun rajjo, jekhane gaachh'e gaachh'e kobita gojay ar prottek bnaak'e sax haath'e ekta kore Pucu opekhha kore thake amar. Odbhut utopian ekta commune'er hyal'e hariye jachhi ami, bujhte pari.

Bhalopahar'e khonj pelam ekta jyanto kobi'r. Er agge shobshomoy mrito kobider sathe chador'ertolay othbosh kore esechhi, kintu ei prothom kachh theke ekta jolojyanoto gota kobi, ekta shottor bochhor late timeboma'r dekha peye kirom chokh gulo jyano kopal'e uthe gelo, kopal theke matha beye uthe aste aste dhnowa dhulo, jongolmohol'er jatra'r poster, jouthobahini ar tari-mohuwa ke pash katiye bheshe bheshe upor dik'e uthe jete laglo. Oi chokh jorar shondhan ar pabo na bujhei hoyto notun choshmata agge theke koriye rekhechhilam. Notun bhabe dekhte laglam shob kichhu.

Bondhu Apurba bolechhilo je ami boddo stereotypical line likhi, kintu mairi bolchhi, ja kichhu achhe ta thak, ar ja kichuu gechhe ta jak, ami er baire ekhono, ei muhurte lekhata lekhakalino berote parchhi na. School'er bondhura shobai kirom ekta bemanan bekhappa smriti'r jayga'y dhuke porlo, ar notun bondhugulo aro notun notun kore peg'er por peg hishebe pile up korchhe ekhon chul dhaka bakshota'r bhetor.

Attotyag'er onektai baki, hoyto tai lekha'tao jutshoi holo na, aro kichhu din jak, aro kichhu khoye jai, aro kichhuta ghilu beriye poruk, pore thakuk pikmakha rasta'e, ami hoyto aro beshi shotti kore kothagulo bolte shikhbo. Shei ashate, ei shiit'e attotyag cholte thakuk.

BTW, hawa'r jwor'ta ekhono ter pachhi, kintu awaj'ta kyano janina apatoto shunte pacchi na.