Portrait Of A Woman: Part 1, The Undefeated

Yes. Undefeated. That's what I take you to be. And that's what you are.
  What is it with you people, huhn, that everytime I look at you, that sharp face, those eyes, that I feel so scared, and yet so proud? I know you, I know all that there is to know about, and all that there isn't, and yet I stare in awe. Awe, it is a reaction which is created in the human mind when they experience something gigantic, something which leaves the impression of a miniscular big bang inside the mind. I, myself, when I stand at the feet of an Easter Island Head, or maybe see something as giant as Gauguin's "Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?", or maybe when I listen to DSM, I feel numbed, and I know I'm in awe. But then why does this little figure, this less than overbearing image makes me feel the same way, at points? I don't know.
  As I said before, I know all that there is to know, and maybe that's why, I know all your pains, all your glories, all the mindless shitty situations you've been through, and all the mindless shitty stories you've taken part in. I hate you at points, for bearing all these, and yet, you make me proud, for bearing all these.
  Even when I see you, in that dark corner, all by yourself, withholding any kind of service others might provide to you, you seem to be magnanimous. I see you weep, cringe, wince and get molested by your own petty demons, just like any one of us out here. Or is it so? For when we make love, laugh, behave like we'd be partying even if there's a second Cuban Missile Crisis, you lament. And maybe regret too. And you cry.
  But it is not this part which makes me proud, this just makes me feel helpless, feel like a voyeuristic audience. I want to bite the heads of my fingers off, wishing to be there in time to save you. But to think it over, if you had been stopped then, you wouldn't have turned out to be what you are today, someone I admire, respect, and love. So yeah, for my own selfish reason, you needed the pain. And today, when I see you wiping those tears, and coming out into the light, a smile more bright than the light surrounding us, I feel proud, and happy. And I know, because you are, the Undefeated.