Affection for Apathy

My head is still spinning, I can't lift up my head from the pillow, and it is tough to write a blog while resting your head  on a 4 inch flat piece of cloth, so let me write this properly, and let my head spin.              
               Today when I entered home, I observed my face on the mirror. It looked empty. I expected questions from my parents.
              'Where were you?', 'Why are you so late?' But no such queries. So I tried to look harrowed, and scared, and tired, and I tried to be noticed. But still no questions. Baba was on the phone, Maa was watching some stupid tv show where kids think they sing. I got tired of waiting for someone to notice the dramatic edge of my eyes, so I got up and changed.
                Today I met up with Suchi again. Suchi, my friend is someone whom I love to hate. I meet him almost every week. Suchi, is my regular dose of apathy. He, is a kid whom I know since childhood, he is one of my closest pals. I thought that it was only because of this friendship I like to meet him again and again.
                But today I understood, that's not the case. Suchi is a just another stupid kid with regular problems. But what makes him different is his complete indifference towards the problems. Suchi is a kid who is clueless about his future, just like the rest of us; some of us know, some don't know, some pretend to know, but all of us are in search of it. Suchi, on the other hand is a kid who does not know what he wants to be, what he wants to do, and he does not care. Today I understood it is this indifference towards life in general which brings me back to him.
               Today, we were discussing his life span. Poor guy has a block in his heart(like he cares) so his probable living years is fifty, then he added that this fifty gets reduced to forty because of his persisting abuse of the white stick(again, like he cares), and then I added that this forty gets reduced to thirty because of his depressive brain, which will not allow him to live long. Atlast he protested, 'eto aage mere felish na'. Poor guy.
               Suchi is the anecdote of me, like an alter ego. He is everything I am not, and nothing I am. I am a pretty emotional kid who has a fucked up brain, with which he is searching for a few answers for some questions, and is generally filled up to the brim with empathy. Suchi is on the other hand a cold hearted prick who has a fucked up brain, with which he is searching for some questions to answer, and is generally filled up to the brim with apathy. As I said, he is a mirror image. Since childhood I was attracted towards insurrectionists, and it is this attraction which led me to love Jesus of Suburbia, the Catcher in the rye, and Suchi. I always wanted to be the 'rebel' kid, and sadly, I always ended up being the stupid, goodboyish, philosophical idiot I am, but it was this want to be the trademark 'rebel', which made me end up with Suchi. But he is no rebel, he is just a loser kid who is completely inert to his prowesses, but wait a minute, aren't rebels meant to be just like the way Suchi is? I guess so. And so, I said it out loud on his face today, " You're a Fucking, moronic loser!'
                Anyway it's one already and i feel sleepy, and my head is still spinning. So i'll go off now. But just one statutory warning for all the would-like-to-be-a-rebel-somedays, never, ever, try to be a rebel, you'll end up being the loser. Goodnight.